A day in monotony


Hi again :). Its been a while since I wrote anything (yet again) but I was busy trying to be busy. Keeping yourself occupied when you really are anti-social and isolated (and loving it) is hard work. You have to force your mind to NOT to focus on the things that you lack or have a longing for. For instance, you earn enough to satiate all your whims but you are reticent because its not worth spending the money on it. No, not because you are a miser, but because you don’t have anyone to share the joy with. Sigh… am I not such an emotional fuck?!

Why am I isolated or why I prefer to be isolated is very simple indeed. I like it. I like the fact that my thoughts and my actions are not molded according to a group of individuals. I like the fact that I’m the master of what I say or do. I like the fact that if I screw up something, I have only myself to blame and if I achieve something, I have only myself to praise. I have only myself to hate and I have only myself to love. No complications because there are no variables in my life. And no, I’m not self-obsessed.

And although I like it, the monotony does get over the head. It does become boring being with yourself every freakin’ microsecond that passes by. Since I have no variables around me, it gets miserably monotonous. Get up in the morning, go to work, come back, go for a jog, eat and sleep. Nothing more, nothing less. On weekends, the only thing that changes is that I do not go to work. I go out and get lost in the urban jungle. It is the best part… and if you do fortuitously see me talking to myself with earphones on never giving a fuck about people around me, don’t worry, I’m getting expert advice about life. :D.

Its just, I’m irritated… I like my own company more than anyone else’s but there is nothing to do right now. Things are slow at work and there is no new development on the personal end either. The girl I wrote about is far away and frankly fading away. She was something good but I guess I must let her go now. Not because I want to, but because she is gorgeous and will get better options. At work, the R&D has come to a standstill, I fucked up the hardware. Fuck. At least that was something to look forward to daily!

Hmm… I just wanted to rant about something. I woke up today fed up (already and that too after having a good weekend) with the monotony. I’m working on updating the Linux Kernel Module Programming Guide to reflect changes in the kernel version 3.x. But its getting drier by the minute because I really don’t have anyone to discuss things with. I have the Internet Relay Chat but a real human is better than chatting with a person sitting at some other corner of the world.

The last few months were extremely happening. I got a new job, I made a friend (the girl I wrote the blog for), I switched to a new city and I had shit loads of research to do… happiness in short. Right now, I have a job (its no longer new), I lost her, research has reached a roadblock and I really don’t feel like exploring much because… well, I don’t get time. At least I have my poison to go through the night. I lost my music collection and with it died all the humanity. I have my guitar but due to lack of skills/knowledge that too is getting boring. Haaa… I know things will look up soon. I have much patience.

Sionara my good folks (lol… “good”.)



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